Last year Mysteries and Margaritas sponsored a contest called Hook, Line and Sinker. We started with fifty first lines that were sent to 4 judges and were culled to thirty. Those thirty then submitted the last line of the first chapter. Again, judges culled them down to ten. The final ten submitted a blurb to go along with their first and last lines of Chapter One and our very own Christine Witthohn judged them. Along with M & M totes for all three winners, the number one entry received a one chapter critique from Christine. The entries were all so good, she ended up requesting all three first chapters, but only critiqued the winner. We are going to do that again, BTW. I just don’t know when.
Anyway, it made me realize how very important that first line really is. So, I decided to share a few of my favorites in no specific order.
She had to die! (Through the Grinder, A Coffeehouse Mystery from the great Cleo Coyle.)
Irony was a fickle, messed-up bitch. (Enemy Lover from the great Karin Tabke.)
Between the hot flashes, the hangover and all the spam on my computer, there’s no way I’ll get anything done before eight o’clock this morning. (Prime Time from the great Hank Phillipi Ryan.)
She felt his breath. (Shiver from the great Lisa Jackson.)
Oh, my God, you’re not going to believe this! (The Samantha Granger Experiment: Fused by the awesome Kari Lee Townsend.)
“Bury it.” (Awaken the Highland Warrior by the equally awesome Anita Clenny.
See what I mean? Every one of those lines makes me want to keep reading. When I was looking for good examples I found a whole lot of not so good ones on books by big-time authors. I wondered how many more books might have been sold if the author had just knocked their socks off with a great first line, assuming a lot of readers are like me and head straight for that first page when making a decision.
I went back and looked at my books so far and decided I didn’t do too badly. I’ll let you decide.
In LIVER LET DIE, here’s the first line:
Single, white female, stuck in a dead-end job who barely makes the rent on the closet she calls home—looking for tall, dark, handsome rich guy who loves...
Book 2, BEEF STOLEN-OFF isn’t so good.
“You’re looking at the new permanent culinary reporter for The Ranchero Globe.”
That’s why I have to have a dynamite first line for Book 3, MURDER FOR THE HALIBUT. I’m looking for help here, people. The premise is that Jordan and her band of merry troublemakers go on a cruise where she is going to judge a Cook-Off (think CHOPPED on BRAVA.)
I’ve decided the winner will get a free download of my first self-published mystery, MORTAL DECEPTION, which will be available June 1st. And if I use the line, you’ll get acknowledged in the front of MURDER FOR THE HALIBUT.
So, put on your thinking caps and fire away. Here’s the first line of MORTAL DECEPTION. I think it’s a good one.
Before the night ended, Dani Perez would have sex with a total stranger.
Obviously, it’s NOT a cozy!!
So, bring it on. You can enter as many times as you like. If you don’t want to play, tell me about your best first line.
34 comments:
My first line: She's going to be the death of me.
I do think the first line is what captures the reader. I love writing the first line, but the follow up and keeping the reader there is much more difficult;)
Saltines and Sardines. ~ Sandra Brown ~ Envy
Last night I dreamt I went to Manderley again. ~ Daphne du Maurier ~ Rebecca ;)
Can't wait to read everyone's opening lines. Number one rule on Monday morning. Coffee before thinking... or opening lines. Have fun, Liz!
"Oh my God, you guys, Ms. Culinary Reporter is about to become Ms. Obituary because there's no way I'll ever pull this off."
"Uh-oh, with no bologna on the menu, we're in big trouble now."
"You need our help, honey, because no B-O-L-G-N-A spells a whole lot of T-R-O-U-B-L-E."
"They obviously don't know who they're talking to if they expect me to judge a cook-off of anything...except maybe bologna or PB&J."
"The good news is we're going on a cruise, but the bad news is they expect me to pick the winner."
Love this contest Liz. I'll let you know if I think of any more. I love your new book cover by the way. Can't wait to read it. And thanks for the first line plug for my MG :-)
BTW-Snoopy used that line 'It was a dark and stormy night...' for the opening of his book about growing up at the kennel.
Anyway, on a less serious note-"I hope I don't flounder," she mumbled under her breath, as she looked up at the huge white ship.
This is fun. And I love the cover, Liz!
I don't think I have anything to contribute for your first line just yet. But I've got my thinking cap on.
And a first line for one of my books: "You just don't expect to see gunfire at a wedding."
The opening line for BEAUTIFUL CREATURES (Garcia and Stohl) reminds me so much of my home town and reveals so much character, it still resonates:
There were only two kinds of people in our town, "The stupid and the stuck," my father affectionately classified our neighbors.
My *own* favorite opening line, which never even made it to a second draft:
Why is it just when I’ve convinced myself I have life figured out, everything goes straight to Hell?
For interest's sake, here's the actual open (which I happen to detest):
With the exception of the two uniformed police officers on the front steps puking into evidence bags, Ellen LeeAnn Walsh's building looked like a hundred other slightly run-down Italianate Victorians in San Francisco.
Great first line, Tonya.
Have you recovered from all those high winds?
Ooh, I had forgotten those, Donnell. And where are your first lines???
OMG! These are great, Kari. I would say you definitely win the free copy of MD, but you've already read it!! It's the old Deadly Deceit.
This is my favorite!!
"You need our help, honey, because no B-O-L-G-N-A spells a whole lot of T-R-O-U-B-L-E."
Lindsay, good to know about Snoopy.
And great first line with the play on the fish!!
Donna, I love your first line. It really sets the tone for the humor in your story.
Do put that thinking cap on. I'd love to hear what you come up with.
VR, why did you change that first line? I love the original one. It has me curious right off the bat because I know everything is going to go wrong for your girl. The one you are using merely speaks to the setting.
CHANGE IT BACK!!!
I know my suggested first line was a little fishy but since halibut and flounder are both flat fish I couldn't help myself. Of course we all know, I'm beyond help.
Liz: I missed you while you were "researching" your book on that long white boat and having to enjoy the cruise.
First lines....you are so so right. When they get you reading through the first one, the second one just keeps coming.
My current first line:
"It should be soon," he whispered into the phone.
I love first lines! I'm like you and always read the first line before I buy the book.
My first line in current wip: “Well, hell, I’ve had sex with everyone here.”
One of my favorite lines in an older Linda Howard book: He needed a woman. Bad.
One for you: "Sink or Swim, baby."
This was fun!
My line.
Hell would have been better than this.
Sometimes the first line comes to me halfway through the book. Will need to think about yours.
She should have locked the door.
Theresa Crawford watched the man close the door behind him with a firm but solid click. Big trouble—she could sense it. Darkness radiated from him in waves.
These are the opening lines from my Carina Press release, Desperate Choices.
As far as opening lines for you, Liz, I'm thinking:
Cruise ship? Oh Hell, where'd I put that Dramamine. . .
You've definitely had some winners submitted here. Good luck finding the right one.
I don't know, Liz, you may not have enough room for the first line of my book. Here it is:
Intake.
I'm thinking about your book, Liz. I love the first line in the first one. My first line in my second book is:
It wasn’t that twenty-seven was too young to die; she just had too many loose ends in her life, things she needed to fix.
I'm trying to come up with a good one for your book three.
My first line from Dead People:
Cassie Taylor cruised down the snaking tree-lined driveway, her foot on the brake, as if her body knew something she didn’t.
Any of Kari's lines for your book sounds great!
Cassy, another great first line. And it really does make me want to read the rest.
Sorry about the delay commenting here, but Texas has had some pretty squirreley weather today and I had to shut down the computer. Last night we had the sirens but today just bad storms.
Tiffanie, I LOVE your first line. I would definitely read further.
And I also love your sink or swim line. Thanks for playing.
Mary, please do keep thinking. I love your line, but I wish you had used the lie that got you so far in Karin's contest. I really loved that one.
Kathy, your first line definitely makes me want to read further. Oh wait, I did read further and can attest to the fact that Desperate Choices is a must read.
I love the Dramamine line, too.
Donnell, I love those one word lines. Because I know what your story is about, I love it even more!!
And the line you sent me personally was great, also.
Anita, the line is great. Am I right in assuming the book of yours that I read is actually Book 2??
Edie, since I love Dead People, how could I not love the first line??
There's been a lot of good suggestions today. I'll have to send everyone a free copy of MD!!!
Works for me. I can always use a free book being the starving writer I am.
What's with the siren thing? I don't understand
The octopus slowly and methodically strangled Jordan--the one on her plate presented by a grinning chef wannabe.
Marilyn, love the octopus line.
And Lindsay, you are not a a starving artist!! I live right in the heart of tornado alley and the sirens warn us when we have one coming.
Oh, that's right. Now I remember hearing them in a Toby Keith video.
Okay, so I'm not exactly starving.
The first line of one of my WIPs:
Had he died and gone to heaven, or was he simply having one hell of an erotic dream?
Muhahahaha!
Great post, Liz. I love this stuff.
Just saw your question Liz. No, you read the first book in the series.
LOL Liz, no worries. I remembered what book this was, and I loved it! Give that copy away to some lucky person who hasn't read it yet.
And you're welcome, I'm just trying to help :-) I love to brainstorm, though I spelled bologna wrong. (forgot the "o", but I knew you'd get it)
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