Friday, September 30, 2011

Barbie's Bunkhouse: it worth it?

So today is the last day of September. Someone please tell me where the ENTIRE month disappeared to! I had plans, goals, a story to finish and another to get a jump on finishing!!! 9/1/11 was my start date. 9/30/11 finds me quite befuzzled.

I thought I had found some sort of balance between the family, the day job and the writing. it wasn't the best, but it was semi-working out. Only there were 2 full weeks when Friday would come and I'd think "holy crap! I wrote nothing all week!" I've found out I'm not the night time writer I used to be (have I complained about this before??). 8:00 comes and my brain tunes out, shuts off all flow of creativity and refuses to cooperate. Oh, I can surf the net, play mindless games, even read or critique. But actually write? Nope, not gonna happen.

Now, out of my frustration with the balance (or lack there of) of work/writing, comes the the question of "is it worth it". Yes, I know the answer. It IS worth it. and if you ask any of my fellow M&M authors they will agree, and they will agree that it's not easy. And they will listen to me whine and still support me.They will ply me with chocolates, margaritas and wine and encourage me to not give up.

I get that, I really do. But seriously? As another month begins, I'm feeling almost overwhelmed at the projects that have piled up and the opportunities that are waiting and that I need to jump on or risk losing them. let's face it, I'm not going to make tons of money off of my books. The need for a change in the day-job is becoming a beacon I can't ignore much longer. And if that happens...what kind of writing time am I really going to have?

A couple years ago I was completely driven in my writing. Every spare moment I was behind my computer working on something. it caused a lot of tension in my house and I certainly don't want to go back to that sressful, dark place. I seem to have found a balance, but it leaves no room for the driven Barbie Jo to spread her wings. So what happens next? Yup...befuzzled.

Okay, so I know it's worth it and I guess I have to ride out this wave of doubt. But I feel like I've been out of the pool for so long, how do you conquer that fear and jump back in? This has been a very long road. If I'm not being creative, my soul is not happy. Giving up is not an option, as this is who I am.

Anyone have scheduling lessons they'd like to share? I think I need a personal assistant, or nanny, chef, maid, dog walker, hmm.... There has to be a way to do this before I have a nervous breakdown trying!!! or have to go to rehab....

have a great weekend everyone!


Lindsay said...

Sorry Barbie Jo but I don't have any suggestion except to grab whatever time during the day or night you can to write.

Cassy Pickard said...

Barbie Jo: I hear you. Don't jump off the cliff, don't. It's about pacing. Sometimes you're going to write 2000 words in an evening and sometimes it will be 0. It's okay. Can you hear me talking to myself??

Cassy Pickard said...

This is a late comment for yesterday. I got caught up after the normal hours for posting. But, I want to add to Lindsay's and Liz's comments about the cursor.

My wonderful husband is not fond of computers. Many years ago he acquired his first (later than most of us). I had to wear ear plugs (literally) when working in the same room with him. He can be imaginative with the language he uses. Anyway, our daughter who was maybe 5-6 at the time came into the room and said, "Daddy, now I know why it's called the curser."

Anita Clenney said...

It's tough, Barbie, and we're human and we get burnt out. And let's be honest. You work your butt off and you're still waiting to sell, while you're surrounded by news of sales and successes. It's bound to be frustrating, but HANG IN THERE. You will make it!!!!! If you need to change jobs, you'll still find the time to write. I think you're a writer inside and you have to write.

One day, you'll be on the other side of this hurdle and looking back. I think the most important thing is to find that joy in writing, which can really take a hit after a while. Even in the manuscript you're working on, try to think of a new twist, something that will spark a little explosion of excitement inside you. YOU WILL GET THERE!!!

Barbie Jo Mahoney said...

Lindsey-believe me, I'm grabbing whatever I can, wherever I am. My soccer family is used to seeing me sitting in the grass during practice or in my car with my laptop. I'm plugging away, just not at a pace I'd like to be at.

Cassy-you're right, it is pacing. I would just appreciate a "steady" pace (if you know what I mean) And I love the curser story. It made me smile! :-)

Anita-this is what I love, it's true. I know I will work my way out of the ditch, I've done it before. it just seems like lately it's taking me longer and longer to do it. Ugh. But..I'm in this for the long haul and I know that one of these days something is going to spark and my career will take off. It's the never ending game of patience, right??? Well, when God handed out the huge helpings...I was at the petting zoo!

Anita Clenney said...

It does take patience. The publishing industry moves like a snail. Then once you make it, you're scrambling to catch up. :)

Liz Lipperman said...

This is going to be like the pot calling the kettle black, but I'm going to give it a whirl, anyway. With me, it's not the time constraint, although October is crazy for me. I just don't feel like writing. Does that make me not a writer? I'm having a hard time with book 3, and I don't like the way that feels.

So, I guess what we both need is a girls' weekend where we sit around, drink margaritas and eat chocolate cake all might and talk about writing. That would definitely fire me up.

So when can we do that?????

And Barbie, I know out muses will return. Mine is balking at having to write three books in such a short time. Yours is balking at all the running around you're doing. They'll be back!!

Kari Lee Townsend said...

It doesn't matter if you've sold or not, hell staying sold is even harder. It happens to us all. Sometimes I'm on a roll, and other times I can't seem to get started. It's frustrating, annoying, terrifying....but it IS a part of who we are. So whine away, baby, but I will NEVER let you quit!

I know I say it over and over, but it really does help to take a hard look at your daily schedule and see where you can squeeze in even just one page a day.

You can do this, and you will!