So today is the last day of September. Someone please tell me where the ENTIRE month disappeared to! I had plans, goals, a story to finish and another to get a jump on finishing!!! 9/1/11 was my start date. 9/30/11 finds me quite befuzzled.
I thought I had found some sort of balance between the family, the day job and the writing. it wasn't the best, but it was semi-working out. Only there were 2 full weeks when Friday would come and I'd think "holy crap! I wrote nothing all week!" I've found out I'm not the night time writer I used to be (have I complained about this before??). 8:00 comes and my brain tunes out, shuts off all flow of creativity and refuses to cooperate. Oh, I can surf the net, play mindless games, even read or critique. But actually write? Nope, not gonna happen.
Now, out of my frustration with the balance (or lack there of) of work/writing, comes the the question of "is it worth it". Yes, I know the answer. It IS worth it. and if you ask any of my fellow M&M authors they will agree, and they will agree that it's not easy. And they will listen to me whine and still support me.They will ply me with chocolates, margaritas and wine and encourage me to not give up.
I get that, I really do. But seriously? As another month begins, I'm feeling almost overwhelmed at the projects that have piled up and the opportunities that are waiting and that I need to jump on or risk losing them. let's face it, I'm not going to make tons of money off of my books. The need for a change in the day-job is becoming a beacon I can't ignore much longer. And if that happens...what kind of writing time am I really going to have?
A couple years ago I was completely driven in my writing. Every spare moment I was behind my computer working on something. it caused a lot of tension in my house and I certainly don't want to go back to that sressful, dark place. I seem to have found a balance, but it leaves no room for the driven Barbie Jo to spread her wings. So what happens next? Yup...befuzzled.
Okay, so I know it's worth it and I guess I have to ride out this wave of doubt. But I feel like I've been out of the pool for so long, how do you conquer that fear and jump back in? This has been a very long road. If I'm not being creative, my soul is not happy. Giving up is not an option, as this is who I am.
Anyone have scheduling lessons they'd like to share? I think I need a personal assistant, or nanny, chef, maid, dog walker, hmm.... There has to be a way to do this before I have a nervous breakdown trying!!! or have to go to rehab....
have a great weekend everyone!