Friday, November 18, 2011
I know in the past I've posted about procrastination (I'm quite good at it) and crunch time (I'm good at that, too). But when it comes to decisions, especially the hard ones.... I suck. Oh hell, maybe not even the hard ones. I drive my husband crazy when we go out to eat and it takes me forever to decide what I want, or what kind of pre-dinner drink I want. I don't know why it comes so hard for me. I love food and drink. Maybe it's because I don't want to choose the wrong item. What if I miss out on something better? What if the item I choose isn't really that good for me, even though it sounds delicious?? My husband is the King of decision making. Sometimes he's a little too quick to decide (this is where I come in and make him see the other sides of the issue) but for the most part, when all is said and done, he makes the right choice. I tell him all the time he's black and white. There are no shades of grey. After being married for 18 years, you'd think I would have adapted some of these traits. Maybe I have a little, but I am no BigDawg. So I find myself faced with some very difficult decisions. To the BigDawg, it's black and white - which gives me a choice I'm not ready to make. But I see the point, it's there in front of me and I think I've been choosing not to accept it all along...thinking that something better was right around the corner. I've turned many corners, and they have been empty. And in my shades of grey world, I've looked for the silver lining. But now I have to ask myself, has it been fear that has kept me from making a choice? What exactly am I afraid of...admitting failure? No one likes to do that, but isn't that when you find out what you're made of, pick yourself up and move on? Sometimes even when you want something bad enough, it's just not meant to be. You face the fact and move on. You make the hard decision, even if it sucks. So while I'm still floating in my shades of grey space, the black and white looms over me like a thunder cloud. Do I keep my rose colored glasses on a bit longer, or do I put on my big girl pants and choose.