As you all know, I have a tendency to eavesdrop, snoop, and
take advantage of the drama around me to add a touch of spice or interest to my
stories. We all have our buttons that send us to the keyboard ready to turn the
day into the tale we want to tell. How do you imagine the joy of a new love as
it fills your characters’ lives? How do you create the angst that comes with
torment and dismay? Or, how do you describe loss so that the reader feels the
pain? We live with these emotions.
We’ve just lost an important member of our family. It
happened both quickly and also over a long time. The decline was slow but the
end was fast. We were both ready and not ready at all. She had a difficult
personality but was admired and loved. Family are joking about lightening bolts
striking us, yet the Kleenex is right at hand.
This has caused me to leave my writing on the back
burner while we all are managing details, emotions, phone calls, emails,
letters and even tax filings. But, that is not the point I am trying to make.
We think we can write the deep, dark and daring. We can. We
do it all the time. There are moments, though, when it’s hard to separate what
our characters want and what we are feeling. As people, where do we separate ourselves from our writing? Where do we create fantasy? Where are the boundaries?
I think of Joan Didion. This is not fantasy. How she was
able to write what she has is amazing to me. Rather, I suspect that it was her
therapy—her escape from the demons that must haunt her.
I share this with you not to ask for any sympathy, please
not so. We absorb our experiences and turn them into words for others to read.
Or, maybe not. Maybe there are words that stay within us, solely for our own
use. Next week, next month, or next year they might be ready to be public.
Hopefully then they will still have the poignancy of what is felt in the moment
and not colored by our need to bury the sharp edges and the tough decisions.
I leave before dawn for travel across the country. Memorial services, coffee and cookies, lots of hugs. I will check in as I can given plane travel and all. If you find me less present, I hope you understand.
Thank you all for listening.
3 comments:
The stories will be written when you're ready to write them. In the meantime take care of you and yours.
Safe travels!
Cassy, know that we will be with you in spirit. The words will definitely come---when you are ready.
Cassy, know that we're thinking of you. It's been a tough year for you, but you're strong, and you'll come out of this even stronger. Don't stress about the writing. There's plenty of time.
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