I have a new plan in my
days. I am trying hard to do one thing for myself, something special, and one
thing for someone else—every day. Some days I pull it off and some I don’t. I
have come to the conclusion that not only does it make me feel better, but just
maybe I can make someone else feel better. This really isn’t self-serving, just
living.
Recently a family member
was in the hospital. I spent lots of hours working, reading, catching up on
email as I waited for test results and so on. I had a lovely conversation with
the woman who mopped the floors. We ended up hugging. My day was dramatically improved and I hope hers was too.
I was on the phone last
week with our pharmacy trying to solve a confusion. The woman who answered has
been helping our family for 15 years. The week before I had been in picking up
a few things and overheard her helping a very debilitated man who probably
shouldn’t have been in there alone. She was patient, kind, and wonderful. I
didn’t say anything at that moment—too many people around. But when I called
last week and she was the one to answer, I had to tell her how impressed I was.
She began to cry. “No one ever tells you when you’ve done it well.”
My daughter, the doctor,
called last night. They had delivered a baby the day before who is addicted to
crack. The mother literally delivered the baby and left. This child had no
name, no parents, no clothes no anything. My child ended up naming the new child. His
name is Will. I said his name should be Will to Live. My daughter spent the day
holding him and then passing Will around so he would never be left in a crib,
constantly held skin to skin as he withdrew from his drug addiction.
These are gifts to
ourselves as much as they are to others. Then, I confess, I plan ones that only
have significance to me. I cleaned a closet and felt great pleasure. I edited
extra pages and ignored the phone. I took a nap. I visited my dog who just had
puppies and is staying with the breeder. I had my nails done.
But as I do these small
silly things for me, I find more energy to meet my goal of making sure in each
day there is something I do for others. All this sounds a bit self-serving and
a bit preachy. I don’t mean it that way. Not at all. Rather, I am trying to
find the balance that is difficult in this nutty rushed world we all live in. Gifts—they
are the balance.
May your day have gifts
for both you and for others.
10 comments:
What a lovely post, Cassy. Exactly what I needed to hear today. It means so much when someone takes a moment to make a kind gesture. Everyone is better for it, the giver, the givee, and anyone who is witness.
I was so touched to hear about the baby, Will. It just breaks your heart. I can't imagine walking away from a child. But how wonderful that there are people like your daughter to step in and make a difference.
Will will probably never know about the doctor who made sure he wasn't alone, that he had a human touch in a terrible time, but everyone who witnesses it will remember.
Anita: Thanks so much for your comments. You are right. I really didn't want to sound preachy- not my intent.
As for Will, hopefully he'll come out well. My daughter and I were talking about what it takes to "be there" for someone. How it is freeing and troubling all at the same time.
She went out to buy Will a sleeper as he has nothing. This was on her own, not part of the hospital's budget. When she returned to the hospital, her bike had been stolen. The contrast made it all more clear.
That's a beautiful post, Cassy. There's a lot of truth to what you say about small acts of kindness being necessary, rather than random. ( I always hated that bumper sticker: Practice random acts of kindness. You can't practice a random act. Right?) But I digress! And kindness to self tends to be the hardest to make room for in our busy lives.
As the mom of a preemie, I well remember the addicted babies in the neonatal unit. Happy to say most of them did just great, but when you see a four pound baby in withdrawal, screaming...that leaves a mark. Give your daughter a hug from us and tell her she's fighting the good fight.
Thanks for sharing. How wonderful that tiny helpless beings are cared for so well by people who don't HAVE to be so invested. Hugs to your daughter and the people she works with.
And truly, there is no better way to drag myself out of a slump than be nice to someone who doesn't expect it. Even something as silly as giving my umbrella to a stranger :)
Kristan! Great to have you here. You are one of the kindest people I know. We all could learn from you.
Katt: It's great to "see" you here. My family teases me that, "There she goes again. Talking to a stranger." It does take long to get out of the grocery store, but also makes my day.
Remember too, it's okay to care for YOU.
What great stories, Cassy. You are one of the sweetest people I know, so I'm not surprised you hugged teh cleaning lady.
My husband always does something for Lent where he tries to do something nice for someone every day and not let anyone know he did it. We're both trying to adapt that to the rest of the year.
Cassy, knowing you as I do I'm not surprised your daughter is helping out the baby.
Liz, I love that your husband does that. I try too to not make it look like I'm "doing" anything. Defeats the purpose. With the cleaning lady what started our conversation was my asking her what was the best part of her job. She said the people. She attends all the funerals of HER PATIENTS and visits many in nursing homes- because she wants to. My husband was having a procedure and not in the room at the time. She came back just to greet him and tell him she had said a prayer---then gave me my second hug. I have a lot to learn from her.
Lindsay, thanks. I do have my not so good moments But, if you think the best of me, that's all that counts.
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