Now that I've got your attention, I want to tell you about
my wonderful trip to Italy
last week. Don't get your own panties in a wad as I'll explain the title of
this blog in due time.
My trip started off last Tuesday with a three-hour flight
from Dallas to Charlotte where I met my agent, Christine
Witthohn. Four hours later, we boarded the plane to Rome in first class. Somehow, I let her talk
me into this even though I couldn't afford it.
But, oh my, it was nice. We each had our own cubicle that
totally reclined to make a bed. Since it was an overnight flight, it was
terrific. We arrived in Rome
about 9:30 Wednesday morning where we
met up with Joni Sauer-Folger, my critique partner and fellow BC client, and
Daleen Barry, a nonfiction writer from Christine's home state.
All was going well – – – until we tried to check in at
Alitalia for our flight from Rome to Bari.
"Are you sea men?"
Excuse me? I write romance, and that word has an entirely
different meaning than what she was asking. I gave her my best confused look.
"Ships," she explained in broken English.
It seems the flight I booked on Cheapo Air – – already
overpriced at $283 one-way – – was a discounted rate for Italian Navy officers
and was invalid. To rebook the same flight would have cost us €450 – – about $580
US one-way – – and they were unable to refund our money since we paid Cheapo Air
and not them.
Talk about being at their mercy. We ended up booking a much
later flight for about the same price as the earlier one. But that left us with
another problem. Now we missed the shuttle waiting to take us from Bari to Matera,
and we would have to pay a much higher price for transportation. Not to mention
that we'd arrive with little time to spare before the welcoming cocktail party
which I was really looking forward to.
As luck would have it, we hooked up with a French publisher
on his way to the conference, and Christine used the opportunity to pitch him
the entire trip. Once in Matera
we barely had time for a spit bath before the party began
From this point on, everything was fantastic, including the
terrific conference and beautiful Matera.
Liz Jennings, a romantic suspense author, puts on this wonderful conference
every year and goes out of her way to draw in lots of important people in the
publishing industry. It was kinda cool listening to the Italian
publishers/agents through headphones and an interpreter.
Lunch and dinner every day included Adam Firestone, a
hilarious gun expert from Virginia, the French publisher and a wonderful German
publisher. I discovered the wine over there didn't give me a headache. So, like
the Italians, it became part of the ritual for every meal. (This is Joni and Daleen with them. I was taking the picture.)
Before the Festival wrapped up I had made lots of new
friends, including the Aston family (Lizzie, Eloise, and Anselm) from England and lots of American authors living in Italy,
including New York Times bestseller Shannon McKenna. (Here is Anselm with Shannon.)
The conference ended with a brunch on Sunday, and then we
boarded a bus to Naples
with Liz Jennings and four of the loveliest interpreters/translators I could
ever want to meet. (Mickey, Helga, Lorena, and Angela) From Naples
we took the ferry to Ischia where we met up
with Entangled editor, Nina Bruhns, and two American writers, Mary Leo and
Janet Wellington.
OMG! Talk about beautiful. We stayed at Pensione Mena where
our hostess – a beautiful bighearted Italian woman we called Mama Mena and her
family treated us like royalty. I ended up bringing home lots of her recipes to
be included in CHICKEN CACCIA-KILLER.
The first day in Ischia we
spent discussing business deals and translations, and the second day we played.
Here's where the panties come in.
We went to a gigantic spa situated right on the sea with
several pools of healing water of various temperatures and a treatment center
right in the heart of the spa. Since my bursitis was acting up from lugging my
big-ass luggage (big mistake taking so much) all over Italy, I
decided to have the massage after the translators arranged for the therapist to
concentrate on my sore hips.
Now I have to tell you that I hate massages. I don't even
let them turn on the massage feature of the chair when I get a pedicure. But my
hips were screaming at me, and through the interpreters, the therapist assured
me she could help.
She took me back to a room with a table and handed me a pair
of paper thong panties. First of all I've never worn thong panties nor have I
ever had paper ones.
"You want me to wear these?" I asked, praying
she'd laugh and say it was all a joke.
She did laugh, but nodded in agreement.
"I can't wear my own panties?"
Again she smiled and handed me the paper ones. Then she
indicated that I needed to take off all my clothes.
"You want me naked?" I asked, now in a panic.
Again the smile.
"Oh hell!" I peeled off my clothes and
prayed I didn't scare her off.
It only took about 10 minutes of my hour-long massage to get
over the paper panties and the naked and fat thing and to start enjoying the
massage. It was wonderfully relaxing, but probably was the one and only massage
I’ll ever have.
The next day was spent traveling – – first we took the ferry
to Naples, then a train to Rome, followed by a taxi to Contessa Alessandra Oddi-Baglioni's
house – – she's a client of Christine's – – where she gave us a mini tour of
the city.
Then we went back to the train station for the trip to the
airport Hilton. The nearly 11 hour trip to Charlotte wasn't too bad because I
snagged the bulkhead seat – – pulling up my pants leg to display my knee brace
for the sympathy vote just in case someone tried to make me move back to my
cramped seat.
All in all, it was a wonderful and productive trip, but it
was not without its consequences. Did I mention the salty seawater had
apparently acted as an irrigation to my chronically infected sinuses, and I
came home with a raging sinus infection? After nearly coughing up a lung, the
antibiotics and codeine cough medicine has it finally under control.
But you know what? It was worth it. The Italians are
wonderful people and the country is lovely.
Would I do it again? You bet! I came home with requests for
my books from both the French and the German publisher. I met friends I will
cherish forever, and the best news of all – – paper thong panties do not give
you a wedgie!
Oh, and did I mention the hot Italian men??